A conversation with Harold

If you’ve followed my twitter feed you may have heard me complain about my drunk neighbor(s) who live in a run down apartment next to my house. I live in a quiet, middle class neighborhood. Close to all the schools, walking distance when I was a kid, now-a-days kids have to ride everywhere. Anyway, in the middle of this quiet neighborhood is a ramshackle building that houses 2 apartments. It doesn’t even look like a dwelling aside from a door and a porch which my neighbor(s) like to occupy.

Well my neighbor(s), I use parenthesis because Harold is the only legal occupant but he is rarely alone when he’s on a drunk, have been drinking and drunk since Friday. When they are drunk, Harold especially, will stand on the porch or at the front door of his apartment and holler for no reason. And sometimes he’ll get in to it with his buddies and out pours the profanity.

Harold had been semi-quiet since Sunday, but this morning just after 6 am he couldn’t contain himself anymore and let out hoops and hollers like the most acclimated turrets sufferer. So I thought I’d record Harold for evidence or posterity, but surprisingly I was able to get so much more. You see, Harold wandered up the street like the walking dead, no apparent purpose. So I asked him what he was doing and hit the record button. This is our conversation.

Warning the audio is about 23mb and 17 minutes long. Also might be NSFW due to language.

[podcast]https://www.ronearlphillips.com/audio/conversationwithharold.mp3[/podcast]

Ironically, I think this would make a great drinking game. In these short 17 minutes you can be as drunk (or dead) as Harold by following these simple rules:

1 drink every time Harold says respect.
2 drinks and give a friend 1 every time Harold refers to himself as good.
1 drink for everyone if Harold forgets something he previously said.
2 drinks for everyone if Harold follows or precedes a “good” comment with being a convict.
When he says “I love you” take two fingers of grain or your hardest liquor and say good night. You won’t make it that far.

I don’t really recommend anyone try this drinking game. I’d hate to feel responsible for anyone getting sick or worse. After all we’re “good people.”

  • DUDE! I KNOW THAT GUY! Only his name is Donnie… and he’s not my neighbor, but still. OMG, that whole, “I am good people,” thing… UGH.

  • DUDE! I KNOW THAT GUY! Only his name is Donnie… and he’s not my neighbor, but still. OMG, that whole, “I am good people,” thing… UGH.

  • Peter

    Wow. Just… wow. I’ve had my share of drunk neighbors (who I wish I could’ve got on tape too), but that guy’s a piece of work. I was amazed when he said he was only in his 30s – I would’ve guessed at least 50s from his voice!

    Hopefully he’ll take his own advice and get out of town, but I really doubt he’ll even remember saying that… Sorry your family has to deal with that crap.

  • Peter

    Wow. Just… wow. I’ve had my share of drunk neighbors (who I wish I could’ve got on tape too), but that guy’s a piece of work. I was amazed when he said he was only in his 30s – I would’ve guessed at least 50s from his voice!

    Hopefully he’ll take his own advice and get out of town, but I really doubt he’ll even remember saying that… Sorry your family has to deal with that crap.

  • Leon

    Sounds like you made a new “friend”. Just show him “respect” ’cause he is a “good guy”. Don’t be waving that broom at him…..you big meany. You might mention to him that for anyone to get respect they need to earn it. Seriously, you did a good job. Just think if Kelly hadn’t come to the door you would probably still be there.
    pop-in-law

  • Leon

    Sounds like you made a new “friend”. Just show him “respect” ’cause he is a “good guy”. Don’t be waving that broom at him…..you big meany. You might mention to him that for anyone to get respect they need to earn it. Seriously, you did a good job. Just think if Kelly hadn’t come to the door you would probably still be there.
    pop-in-law

  • Bekemeyer

    That was an amazing piece of audio. I love things like this. Very natural. Very raw. And very true. It reminded me of David Lynch’s Interview Project. Have you seen it?

    That being said. I’m pretty sure I’m glad he’s not my neighbor. šŸ™‚

  • Bekemeyer

    That was an amazing piece of audio. I love things like this. Very natural. Very raw. And very true. It reminded me of David Lynch’s Interview Project. Have you seen it?

    That being said. I’m pretty sure I’m glad he’s not my neighbor. šŸ™‚