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A conversation with Harold

If you’ve followed my twitter feed you may have heard me complain about my drunk neighbor(s) who live in a run down apartment next to my house. I live in a quiet, middle class neighborhood. Close to all the schools, walking distance when I was a kid, now-a-days kids have to ride everywhere. Anyway, in the middle of this quiet neighborhood is a ramshackle building that houses 2 apartments. It doesn’t even look like a dwelling aside from a door and a porch which my neighbor(s) like to occupy.

Well my neighbor(s), I use parenthesis because Harold is the only legal occupant but he is rarely alone when he’s on a drunk, have been drinking and drunk since Friday. When they are drunk, Harold especially, will stand on the porch or at the front door of his apartment and holler for no reason. And sometimes he’ll get in to it with his buddies and out pours the profanity.

Harold had been semi-quiet since Sunday, but this morning just after 6 am he couldn’t contain himself anymore and let out hoops and hollers like the most acclimated turrets sufferer. So I thought I’d record Harold for evidence or posterity, but surprisingly I was able to get so much more. You see, Harold wandered up the street like the walking dead, no apparent purpose. So I asked him what he was doing and hit the record button. This is our conversation.

Warning the audio is about 23mb and 17 minutes long. Also might be NSFW due to language.


Ironically, I think this would make a great drinking game. In these short 17 minutes you can be as drunk (or dead) as Harold by following these simple rules:

1 drink every time Harold says respect.
2 drinks and give a friend 1 every time Harold refers to himself as good.
1 drink for everyone if Harold forgets something he previously said.
2 drinks for everyone if Harold follows or precedes a “good” comment with being a convict.
When he says “I love you” take two fingers of grain or your hardest liquor and say good night. You won’t make it that far.

I don’t really recommend anyone try this drinking game. I’d hate to feel responsible for anyone getting sick or worse. After all we’re “good people.”